The Power of Helping: Supporting Self Regulation

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"Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued - when they can give and receive without judgement" - Brene Brown

We taught a student in our classroom who we have been observing and brainstorming about how we can support her in self regulating. We wanted to share her story and how she has transformed in her ability to self regulate over two years in our classroom. 

When entering school, as a team we recognized this students body often appeared tense. She often spoke about feeling tired, hungry, and would often cry without being able to verbalize why. We noticed that she had difficulty with transitions and social interactions with peers. She would often hide under tables or refuse to join in small or large group activities. 

Reframe the Behaviour:

Instead of viewing her behaviours as intentional misbehaviour, we began to think about the 5 domains (biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial). We recognized many stresses in all of the domains that could be adding to her own stress cycle. 

Recognize the Stressors:

Some of the stressors that we immediately recognized were: tired (potentially lack of sleep), hungry (possible loss of appetite), isolation from peers and educators, expression of extreme mood swings and emotions. 

Reduce the Stress:

While brainstorming ways to reduce stressors, we thought carefully about things that we noticed were supporting her in feeling calm. For example, expressing herself artistically (in the dance studio, art studio, or listening to music). She also was drawn to the responsibility of helping others in the classroom. 

We also at this point, asked the family to come in to collaborate and brainstorm with us. We wanted to learn more about her family interactions and whether or not she was expressing any concerns at home. Having a strong relationship with our families supports us in approaching these conversations as a team and they were able to provide us with insight into further stressors that may be impacted her day to day activities (e.g., one parent was going away for a few months to visit family in another country). 

Reflect:

Making notes on any behaviours that we noticed allowed us to reflect on the times of day and the situations that seemed to trigger some of her behaviours related to her stress level. To be proactive, we had conversations with her and found ways to anticipate those changes to support her.

Respond:

We learned that transitions were very challenging of her, so we often found that providing her with multiple prompts before transitioning helped her to prepare mentally. We also would read her body language and on days when we sensed that she may need further support, we asked her to help with different jobs in the classroom to change her state (e.g., washing the dishes, taking out mailbags during morning routine). 

Over a two year period, we saw gradual changes and a shift in this student’s ability to regulate independently. In order to support students in self regulation, you often have to co-regulate with them in order for them to understand and feel how their emotions and states can change. Many children are unaware of what it feels like to be calm, alert, and ready to learn. 

This is why it is SO important to put “time in” with children and follow through with your interactions so that they can truly process and understand what is happening. It’s not just giving them language and walking away to support another student, it does take a lot of time to foster the understanding of the meaning of their words and actions. 

We noticed with this student and then later with others that the simple act of “helping” can be transformative. We found by providing them with opportunities to display empathy with their peers that they in turn received positive emotional feedback that they were seeking. For example, asking her to help with a child who needed support in understanding the flow of the day. She used the visual schedule and invited her peer to play alongside her providing him with cues to support the upcoming transitions. 

In addition to helping others, our students often seek opportunities to help in cleaning and organizing the classroom. We have students who wash the dishes, clean the tables or shelves, organize classroom materials, hand out mailbags, or roll and label paintings. These simple acts appear to support children in feeling calm and in self regulating. Is it that these jobs make them feel useful or helpful? Does helping distract their worries? Is there actually something else to the acts of helping that is supporting them (e.g., sensory aspect in washing dishes or scrubbing a table)? 

Both children and adults always want to feel appreciated and validated, it’s human nature. These acts of helping bring forth those feelings and we have seen how powerful they can be in supporting our children this year. 

Connecting with Parents about Self Regulation

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When looking through the self regulation lens, including parents and families is not an optional piece. It is crucial that families are not only considered but involved in the process.

However, this does not mean that we front load and overwhelm parents with our new scientific knowledge of self regulation and our expectations for them to solve the problem. Rather, it allows us to approach behaviour and things that we are noticing as a team with a wider scope lens.

Inviting families in to discuss their children’s behaviour can naturally increase their stress level. It is important to be aware of this as educators so that we can reduce their stress through our interactions and our approach to the meeting. The intention of these meetings should not be to simply tell the parent what is happening and expect the behaviours to be resolved from their end. If we work together collaboratively we will be able to build a bigger picture of the students’ life and gain insight as to how we can work as a team to support them.

Something we might say to begin a meeting…

“We wanted to meet today to talk about S’s stress levels. In our classroom, we don’t see behaviour as misbehaviour we see it as a sign of stress. Our hopes are that we can share what we have been seeing and some of the stresses that we have noticed. It will be helpful to know if you have seen similar behaviours or patterns at home so that we can brainstorm together ways to reduce their stress and support them in regulating at both home and school.”

When educators stress levels are high they can view behaviours as "misbheaviours" more easily. They may catch themselves critiquing. For example, “their parents must not care because S never gets enough sleep”.

“A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request. So why not just make the request?” – Diane Sawyer

This is why it is crucial that we have such good relationships with families so that when we are making these requests for help there is a genuine connection and desire to help the child in reducing their stress.

We spend time at the beginning of the year making connections with our families in different ways. We know and understand that with a strong relationship comes trust, openness and better communication.

We host open houses monthly to connect with families. During this time, we are able to connect with families and support them in connecting with each other. We celebrate the children’s learning and growth as a community.

We also connect with families briefly during pick up and drop off. We try to share successes to give them insight from the day.

Video: Parents and Kindergarten (filmed by Atkinson Centre in our Classroom):

Parent Video

We have grown to love using SeeSaw as a daily communication and connection tool with our families (SeeSaw Blog). Through SeeSaw we are able to share with families the daily activities and learning that is happening through the day. Families have shared that they truly appreciate being able to see their children’s day in action and feel more connected to what is happening at school.

SeeSaw allows families to comment back and forth with us and the students. It also provides conversation pieces to build relationships at home. We have started to share self regulation strategies that are working for children in the classroom via SeeSaw (e.g., S listened to music today while drawing to support them in feeling calm). These small insights provide families with context in the strategies that we are trying and using with individual children.

“Take it personally; self-regulation is always personal. Building relationships is the first principle of practice self-regulation” – Dr. Stuart Shanker

Stress and Self Regulation: A Practical Lens

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"Treating behaviour like misbehaviour means we punish. Treating behaviour as stress behaviour means we help" 
- Dr. Stuart Shanker

Stress is often perceived as a simple topic, but it is actually quite complex. Dr. Shanker explains that self regulation is “understanding stress, managing energy levels and tension”. Essentially, stress occurs when something requires our body to burn energy in order to maintain the internal balance. What is a stress to one person may not be a stress to another.

Is stress always a negative thing?

There are positive and negative stressors in children’s lives and there is a need for both. Negative stress burns energy in the body which causes it to continuously try to regenerate. Whereas, positive stress often will burn energy but it promotes growth. Sometimes positive stress creates more energy than it actually burns. An example of positive stress includes challenging children to try new things. 

Obvious Stress vs Hidden Stress

Obvious stress includes things that can easily be identified when observing someone or through conversation with them. Obvious stressors can be things like a child moving to a new home or school, changes in their family structure, or transitions in their environment or activities at school. 

Hidden stressors can sometimes be much more challenging to detect. In one of his lectures, Dr. Shanker shared that even before walking into the school building there are hundreds of stressors that children encounter. Hidden stressors can include school bells, lighting, textures, hard chair, smells, classroom environment (the walls), noise level. 

The Five Domains

Stress can be broken down into 5 domains and you are never just dealing with stress from one domain at a time. All of the domains impact each other and are connected. Some examples of what stress may look like or be caused by in each domain include:

Physical: 

-being tired

-feeling sick

-injury

-energy levels

-hunger 

-sugar intake

Emotional:

-expression of emotions

-crying

-appearing tense

-agitated

Cognitive:

-difficulty with focusing

-mindset

-ability to problem solve

-perseverance

Social:

-ability to understand other’s feelings and perspective

-responding appropriately to others

Prosocial:

-putting peers needs ahead of their own

-supporting others in dealing with their emotions or feelings

Connecting to our Experience:

After learning about stress this year in our Foundations Program, we have become more aware of hidden and obvious stressors in our classroom and school environment. When observing behaviour we have been conscious about the stress that is involved so that we can support students in regulating. 

We made a few minor adjustments to our environment this year that supported many students. It is important to remember that what works for one group, school, community, and child does not necessarily work for others. Self regulation should always focus on the SELF and recognize that what supports one student, could trigger another. Furthermore, what works for that specific child one day may not work the next. This is why it is so important to always take on the role of "stress detective" so that you can adapt and provide strategies to support students in reducing their stress.

In other words, going out to buy light covers, may not be the "answer", but it may support some students in your classroom. Always think about yourself, your students, your classroom and your community when trying new things and making changes. 

Light Covers

Lighting can be a hidden stressor for many children. Harsh fluorescent lighting can be overstimulating, cause headaches and anxiety in children. We purchased light covers that simply soften the glow of the lights. 

Educational Insights 1231 Classroom Light Filters-Whisper, White, Set of 4

Wiggle Cushions

For some children sitting on hard surfaces can be a stressor. When we noticed that some of our students were struggling with seating on chairs or the floor, we tried using wiggle cushions to support them. For children with sensory needs we have found a lot of success in them having a tool that allows their body to move, rock, and wiggle while focusing. We didn’t buy a class set because not all our children needed this tool, but we do rotate their use and have conversations about how it helps their body as a tool. 

Trademark Innovations Fitness and Balance Disc Seat, 13-Inch Diameter

Visual Schedule

Transitions can be a huge trigger in terms of behaviour for students. When considering the flow of the day, we found that many children benefit from having a visual schedule to support them in anticipating what is coming up next. We are very conscious and aware of how many transitions we have within our day and how they impact our students (Transition Blog). 

Micro-environments

Through our course, we have become more aware of how important it is to have different micro environments within a classroom to support the needs of all learners. They provide small and large spaces with different energy levels so that all children can find a space that works for them. We have written a blog with much more detail here: Calming Environment

Developing your understanding of stress and becoming aware of how we are viewing behaviours can truly change your practice. When we become stress detectives and look for signs of stress to understand behaviour, it can ease our own stress as educators as well. This is a process that takes time to understand and adopt into your practice, be kind to yourself ... becoming aware is the first step!

This blog was written as part of our final projects for our Foundations Program by the Mehrit Centre. This course has provided us with an in depth knowledge and understanding of Self Regulation under the direction of experts Dr. Stuart Shanker and Susan Hopkins.

Self Regulation Foundations Program

Why We Don’t Have a Calming Area…

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This year, we are focusing on and learning more about self regulation. What does it look like? How do we support it? What are we doing now that is helpful? What might we change to better support our learners?

Our primary goal in our classroom, before academics, is the well being of the children. It is incredible that our Ontario Kindergarten curriculum document now has 1/4 dedicated to Self Regulation and Well Being. Without these skills in place, academics are not able to be engaged with effectively. Beyond this, self regulation is universal. It is something that all children benefits.

In our Foundations Course with the Mehrit Centre (https://self-reg.ca/learn/online-courses-with-dr-shanker/level-1-certification-self-reg-foundations/), we learned that there are six arousal states that everyone goes through. Children, and adults, can move through these stages many times in day.

6 arousal states:

1.     asleep

2.     drowsy

3.     hypoalert

4.     calmly focused and alert

5.     hyperalert

6.     flooded

So… how does this connect to the early years?

By three years old, children can begin to learn when they are becoming hyperaroused and learn what they might do.

We know that children are most successful in their learning and relationships when they are calmly focused and alert.

When children are hyperaroused, they may have difficulty solving problems, focusing on their learning, following directions, or connecting with peers.

How can we help?

If we as educators begin to reframe the behaviours we are noticing it supports us in approaching it more calmly ourselves and invites us to be a detective investigating the root of the behaviour.

If we reframe these sometimes challenging moments as learning opportunities, rather than being annoyed and asking children to  simply “calm down” it will not only support their understanding and development… but we have found that it helps us to stay calmer and more patient in our interactions.

Dr Shanker shared in one of our modules that what children need is a “time in”, not a time out. They crave and benefit from genuine human connection. What an opportunity we have each day and with each challenge to connect, support, scaffold and watch self regulation grow and develop.

What might it look like?

In a classroom, or at home, creating various kinds of soothing resources or spaces will support children in thinking about what their body needs. The challenge is that what each child needs will vary. Sometimes what works so well one day, will not support the same child the next day!

As self regulation began to surface in conversations in the education world, we began to see many “calming areas” emerge in classrooms.

Having a space that is calm and quiet is so important and beneficial to our students. Our struggle with this concept is that what is “calming” for one student, may set another child off! Asking some children to sit and do a puzzle when they are hyperaroused could trigger them further.

Sometimes inviting children to a specific spot like a calming area can be a trigger itself too. It almost seems punitive and counterintuitive in a way to “go to the calming area”. How do we know if the calming area will actually support that specific child in feeling calm? Or, what if that child has a low energy level and needs something that will stimulate them in order to become calmly alert and focused.

So, we thought a little bit more about this. How do we self regulate as adults when we are feeling hyperaroused? Maybe we go for a run to expend energy, maybe we colour, perhaps we listen to music? What are real, genuine things that we do to self regulate.

We like to think about how the entire classroom can support self regulation and how we can create many different spaces, environments, and tools to support children depending on what they need in that moment.

We have created micro-environments in the classroom and as we support children in finding out what works for them, we can support them in testing out different activities or spaces.

Asking questions such as “what are you feeling in your body?”. And then, after spending some time trying a new space or strategy, we can ask the same question, “what are you feeling now in your body?”.

The bottom line is that we need to be aware of the SELF in self regulation. We want the empower children by helping them to understand what it is that helps them so that they can grow independent in regulating themselves.

So, we don’t have one area or a box of materials that will “calm” children. We try to remind ourselves that what calms one child, may set off another. We strive to find genuine ways for children to self regulate by creating different micro-environments that will support the different needs that children have as they move through the arousal states.

Sketching while listening to music. Music can cancel out overwhelming noises and provide students with their own sense of space. Music itself can be calming - the children can choose the type of music that will support them based on how they are feeling too (nature sounds, calm instrumental music, upbeat dance music). 

Project Work can support children and "change their state" by providing them with something positive to focus their energy on that is of interest to them. These students create and sketched different superheroes using blocks. The art of sketching, drawing, writing can be very therapeutic and calming for some children. We had seen children slow down and regulate after picking up the materials to sketch or draw. 

In this micro-envrionment, we created a space for privacy and personal space by adding a tent. On the wall is our family board with photographs that many of the children look at when feeling overwhelmed or when connecting socially with peers.  In this area, we have the children's personal portfolios that allow them to reflect on and look at their learning. We also have a selection of different books and puzzles that they can engage with in the tent, on a nearby table or on the floor space surrounding.

Our stationary bike provides the children a space to expend excess energy. The bike allows for us to adjust the tension to make it hard or easy to pedal. It supports those who may been hyperaroused or who may have low energy levels. Some of the children also enjoy listening to music while biking and changing the speed to the tempos of the songs.

Sensory Opportunities are so important for children to have daily in their play. Some children are drawn to the water as a space to explore and investigate. We experiment with different approaches in our sensory bins too. We have experimented with different temperatures, scents (adding eucalyptus epsom salts), colours, consistencies. Children can watch, move, immerse their hands or arms, squeeze, pour, touch.

Different levels of lighting in the room supports the needs of the students as well. Some children will ask for the lights to be on, while others will turn them off. Our light table is in a darker area of the classroom and provides a space to explore in the different lighting area.

Sand is another sensory experience that can easily be added to a learning environment. We have a large sand table that allows for larger scale play, but we also sometimes use a small bin to create a different group size and space. Kinetic Sand is really supportive for sensory learners. It forms and then changes state by simply squeezing and moulding it. We find ourselves immersing our hands often into the sand as we play alongside children.

Music can be a powerful way to express oneself creatively. We have found that some children gravitate towards music when self regulating. Music can help to change your state and often provides an outlet for creative expression. 

Cleaning: We have noticed over the past year or two how many children seek out opportunities to help and clean in our classroom. Often times, when feeling overwhelmed children will ask for a job or something they can do to help. We are fascinated and wonder if the act of helping supports them to self regulate. Or, and possibly in combination, does the act of cleaning (washing dishes), mopping provide self regulation through the sensory actions (scrubbing, water, movement). 

Our Dance Studio: A space where students can dance and move at any time in the day. We have an iPod and the children can choose the music that they would like to use. We have also added yoga mats for stretching or practicing different poses. This space truly provides an often unavailable space for children in the classroom - somewhere for them to move and to not have to regulate their movements because of space restrictions. They can move freely, express themselves, connect with peers and change their energy levels. 

What ways do you support self regulation through your environment, interactions, and approaches to teaching? Share in the comments below or via Twitter using #connectinglearners